Confessions of a hero

We saved the Hospital!

Yesterday I was sitting in the Atrium at the Toronto General Hospital with my beady-eyed friend. The Atrium is a huge glass room on the fourth floor of the TGH over looking Gerard and University.

My back was to the wall and Beady and I were talking about my friend Sterling who I told her likes to hit on me just to watch me squirm. Anyways- Beady was right in the middle of disagreeing with me about something (as usual) and suddenly- she gasps and said “Look! The Light!”

I turned around to see the light fixture on the wall burst into flames. Hungry Orange flames lept 2 meters into the air. I immediately bolted for the fire alarm which was at the door. Beady sped after me- I pulled the Fire alarm and Beady ran to the nurse’s station- and I sped after her. We told the nurses about the fire and went back to the Atrium to retrieve our coats. When we got back- the fire had burned itself out and there were thick meaty black smoke stains around the fixture on the wall.

Acrid smell of burnt plastic filled the corridors of the otherwise ethereal scent of the hospital. 15 minutes later- the firemen showed up.

That- my friends is how Beady and I- simple and reluctant heroes saved the hospital.

Now what’s this I hear about a cash reward?

Bets up!

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin has requested an address tonight. Woodbine Downs has released odds for speculation on the content of Mr. Martin’s address

Wish everyone a happy Passover	17:1
Announce the launch of his ‘PM for men’ fashion line	12:1
Criticize the Michael Jackson trial	13:2
Announce the transfer of John Gomery to preside over the Michael Jackson trial	12:5
Show his support for the Toronto Blue Jays	18:7
… or the Ottawa Rough Riders	180:7
Because “I was just feeling lonely and wanted to touch base and say hello…”	4:1
To say that the monkeys he had working in his PR department have been replaces with Marmots.	3:1
To distance himself from Charles Kennedy	3:2
To declare war on China	19:3
To declare war on Terror	26:1
To declare war on ‘those ghastly thong sandals I see you breeders wearing...”	99:3(33:1)
To come out of the closet	98:3
To show off his new Apple iPod	9:2
To set the record straight about the Gomery inquiry	1:2
To assert his support for Krispy Kreme	26:1

What’s your bet?

Beating the Drum of Ahenakew

So- David Ahenakew fancies himself as not only an expert on Semitic history, but also a victim of an over- ambitious reporter trying to cook a story.

And his lawyer- Doug Christie – who from the sounds it is quite the pundit on Judaism as well- contends that the reporter should be the one in hot water- not his client.

Poor you, David Ahenakew! This is all one huge misunderstanding! I know! I know- I feel for you. You, Dave with your Diabetes making you all flustered. You, Davey, with your medication which you neglected to take – but that’s ok- no one is perfect; I know that the lack of medication made you say things that you wouldn’t normally say to anyone- let alone think! Lord no! You wouldn’t dare think such things. Poor David is being persecuted! It’s a conspiracy I tells ya! That reporter should be taken out back and ‘beated on’ with a rather large rubber hose.

I mean- all you were doing was saying what everyone else thinks about jews- how those bastards got what was coming to them in the Holocaust and that it’s a shame Hitler didn’t finish the job and fry all those big nosed, greedy hebes. I understand. Well- if it’s consolation- I certainly hope that justice gets done in the trial- I mean- innocent men like you whose only real crime is promoting hate don’t belong behind bars.

They belong in the hospital for getting ‘beated on’.