Lucky Seven

Seven days???
Seven days before I leave???

I got my bedding, and everything I need for my laptop, but I still might get one of those little cables to attach the laptop to desks and tables so someone with sticky fingers doesn't liberate my computer.
The only thing I need more is yoga gear, running gear, a really nice rain coat, and 260 v plugs for my electric toothbrush, and alarm clock.

Speaking of Toothbrush- I'm going to go see the Toothadontist today. I've had some trouble tracking one down, and all I had to do was ask Not Asian who she goes to...

My German Sister is in town to see me off, which is very nice of her, and she's running different errands for me. Maybe because i gave her my car to tour Eastern Canada with.

I'm coming up to my last date with the Beady Eyed one... I wonder how that will go...

How very Aristocratic

Last night I went on a date with the Beady Eyed one. I'm feeling stressed about details with leaving, and Beady's blue about the job, so this comedy might be just what we needed.

We saw The Aristocrats.

For those who haven't been informed- it's a simple joke, with a great deal of leeway for improvisation and personalization, so it's been a little like a 'business card' for stand up comedians to trade since the days of Vaudeville.

The surprise highlights were Eric Mead and Billy the Mime.
Other notables were Sarah Silverman, and Taylor Negron.
The Ultra dirty Gilbert Gottfried and Bob Saget didn't disappoint us with shocking renditions.

Of course, Comedy master George Carlin ruler of the circuit for decades and winner of countless Grammies for his comedy albums kick off the movie with a fantastically decent improv.

So if you're not easily offended and find humor in the darker side of things- it's certainly worth the hour and a half where you'll be rolling the aisles, and laughing so hard you'll cough up a lung almost non-stop. Just don't bring popcorn into the movie, you'll choke on it. And don't bring soda pop into the theatre, because you're going to pee your pants.

Party party party!

I had my going away party this weekend.

It was an unmitigated success!
Although the bloated 14 person roster was culled to 11, and then to 10- group felt complete. Despite 10 people, the gathering was oddly intimate.

Some got to finally meet the Beady Eyed friend that they heard so much about. Others were just impressed that I had so many such nice friends. It's not that they didn't think I had friends- more that all my friends were so nice!

Something that I'd like to think I have is an ability to sniff people out quickly- and I guess I'm a little gratified that my ability results in a group of 10 people who really are absolutely great people- genuine, sweet, intelligent and just for lack of a better term 'cool' not in a Queen West trendy Drake Hotel kinda cool, though... and perhaps that's for the best because usually by the time The Drake gets really hopping- I'm ready to start hopping too.... right into bed (such is the curse of the 5 am wake upper)!

So- not all of my friends could make it for one reason or another, and those friends who weren't there- I'll be sure to see before I leave (in 9 days *GASP*).

More than one person commented- I have so many really interesting, cool and really nice friends, I should have had more dinner parties while I was here.

Maybe when I get back, I'll be the dinner outing guy. 3-4 times a year, pick a restaurant, and have a 10-15 person party- and only cool people are invited.

OK- you can come too.

Stupid Battle of the Sexes

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/4183166.stm

A Psychologist at Manchester University said that he proved that Men are in fact smarter than women. However- the only proof he provides is IQ tests.

I think that's an indication of his own intelligence if he believes that IQ tests are an accurate indication of intelligence. Since when are IQ tests any indication of intelligence except for the myopic version that's ultimately flawed?

There's certainly other ways to be clever and intelligent smart and even brilliant than can be measured by the test, and ways that will ultimately serve you better in career, relationships and life.

I'm thinking specifically about Strategic smarts and People smarts. I've known few men who can compete with women on the strategy smarts and people smarts level. From what I understand, women immerse themselves in strategic rich situations from very early on, cliquing off, being catty, forming alliances, so they have way more practice at it than guys. Also- from what I understand, psychologists say that women are more empathetic which make them able to read others better, and adapt to them quickly and understand their motivations. Women are also more detail oriented- which is a powerful advantage for relationships and career.

I'm not one to frequently generalize about the sexes, and to be truthful, I often find it slightly distasteful in others (maybe because it's often more vitriol than observation), but I was talking with a CEO of a small consulting company the other day- a very adventurous fellow and a successful entreprenuer. He marvels at the ease with which women wield power. They are the real decision makers, and it's not just confined to Lady MacBeth. I've known for a while to listen to the Beady Eyed friend when she gives advice (and boy- does she love giving out advice), and I've found when she does- it's bang on, and I'm not a stupid or clueless man. I've always beleieved that in order to have a successful relationship- you just need to find a woman who's smarter than you. Now- it's pretty tough for me, and I admit with all due modesty that my pickings of people of both sexes smarter than me is incredibly sparse.

So- let men have their IQ's higher by 5 points- women still have the smarts where it really counts.

City Optical is a Bad Optician

I just wanted to let everyone in Toronto know that City Optical is a horrible place to get glasses. OK- not just that- I'm trying something a little vindictive. I'm making sure that when the site gets indexed by search engines, it will let everyone know that City Optical is a bad optician.

They care nothing about their customers. If you have a problem with your order from City Optical- you're unable to get help, it's against the corporate policy of City Optical.

To Surmise- if you go to Go to City Optical, know that you're deal with a bad retain operation, because City Optical is a Bad Optician!

Now- that I've sufficiently stuffed the key words into this blog, I'll share my view of retail marketing. I've been doing Marketing for a few years now, and have some good skills under my belt, and it's simple law of marketing: if you want to be successful in marketing, you have to make your client happy.

Putting in clauses such as no refunds, all sales final etc... will only frusterate your client when they run into trouble (which some invariably will). These clients, in return will tell everyone possible that your operation is a flawed enterprise, with perverted priorities, and are scammers who rip everyone off and sodomize house pets... All except the last one would be accurate (and the last one may be accurate on an individual case by case basis. I'm not judging...).

Now- if you have a less adversarial customer policy, the client won't feel like they have an enemy in you. A successful relationship will be fosterred, loyalty will be nurtured, and Viral marketing will commence, leading to a long and steady pipeline of loyal customers who will trust your brand.

Being a mainly B2B boy myself, I've always been hip to the jive that you either provide the best possible service, or you will choke and die- quickly. I've always thought that when it comes to B2C- you can go either way- you can offer a premium service at a premium cost, or you can charge the base cost and let the dumb poor shmoes who use your service choke on it. Now I'm more certain than ever- if you don't keep your clients from choking- they will choke you in the end, either by litigation, or by removing the rug from under you.

Stalks and Bonds

I wish I had something funny to say.

I usually have something funny to say- a unique take, an hilarious insight, but regarding Alicia Ross, I just can't think of a thing, not because I'm having an off day, but because there can be nothing funny about this tragedy in my eyes.

A blogger buddy was followed on Friday and has a freaky blog about it. Chilling stuff.

Eating Palestine gives me Gaza

The pull out from Gaza is going a lot smoother than everyone feared. Not to negate the tragedy of the loss of 4 Palestinians at the hands on a settler acting alone with a high powered handgun (and he wasn't even a postal worker), the evacuation of the territories have been largely without incident. Not through lack of protest by either side, but violence didn't erupt.

I am confident this will secure peace between Israel and Palestine. Trading land for peace has worked in the past. For example- with Egypt, all it took was the Sinai Peninsula.

Striking up the Band

The CBC is on strike.

For those of you who don't know what the CBC is- it's like the NPR or the BBC. CBC Radio is a government funded crown corporation. It has two basic channels- the news/talk channel and the classical music channel.

Oh yes- and on Saturday evenings, CBC2- the classical channel becomes CBC3- the indie-rock channel.

I was driving to work this morning and turn it to CBC1 as I usually do to hear the news- and there was music. It took a few minutes to sink in- Oh yeah- the Strike! There was an energetic Hip-hop song that wasn't completely without charm on, so I left it there. Turns out a fellow named Chaos did it and got a Juno for his efforts- then there was Guess Who; then, out of No where: they play Niko Case (Of whom I am a big fan- regardless of how hot she is).

If they keep up with this great standard of Canadian Music- I hope the strikers never get their demands met!

Tuesdays with Book Reviews

The big wedding this weekend was a great success. I performed my toast and it got laughs, which is good.

The whole weekend was a bit of a whirlwind, with the dinner the night before, the brunch the next day, plus a friend's birthday Barbecue I'm looking forward to spending an evening without distraction just zoning out and eating pizza.

Maybe I'll rent a DVD but I'm entirely unsure if there's anything of quality currently available.

Then of course there's reading instead, but I'm not certain if my brain wants Jane Jacob's octogenarian radical rantings or Malcolm Gladwell's sole use of anecdotal evidence to support ludicrous premises and repeated support of a larger issue. I mean- there's thorough and then there's spending 300 pages to illustrate a point that someone can say in 4 words:

trust your first impression.

Don't get me wrong- I love Malcolm Gladwell... I love him, but I tonight I just want something like Harry Potter, but I already finished number 6. Of course- there's still Tuesdays with Morrie which is turning out to be a sleeper hit for me. It's extremely engaging, sweet, soulful, and thoughtful without being preachy unlike some authors who shall remain nameless and without pretension, repetition, namedropping and haphazard slinging of anecdotes, unlike other authors who shall remain nameless.

I guess there's my answer on what to do tonight.

Getting Hitched

My dad is getting married on Saturday at a downtown restaurant.

Am I excited?
Absolutely- I get to see all the family- except my eldest sister who is trapped in California with an expired Visa. The original plan was singing and playing guitar. I'm a good singer and guitar player, but I'm also deathly afraid of playing guitar in front of crowds. So- I'm opting for making a toast instead. I am great at toasts and at public speaking. I also know the basic map for a toast.

Open with joke.
Talk about how you met the groom.
Make a risque joke about indiscressions
Talk about how the bride and groom met.
Make a risque joke about "not too late to run off with me..."
Quote a poet/playwrite/philosopher.
Close with a heart warming toast.

I'm sure you'll all be happy to know I did NOT use the map, and although I did slip in some jokes (how could I not) you'll also be happy and shocked to see I did not use any of the following: Poop jokes, fart jokes, funny accents, trick ties, or french words.



I know! I know! What's left????

Older

Yesterday was my birthday and I embarked on a new decade.

I am not longer in my 20s, and although it feels the same, in other ways I know it will never feel the same. My muscles hurt a little more during my more rigorous runs, and I have a little less hair. BUT- I have a spring in my step that I hope I never lose, and I'm told I won't, I have energy, and I am now getting the benefits of maturity- wisdom and confidence.

I see the kids today- I thought I would be all depressed about getting older, getting out of touch with pop culture, but to tell you the truth, I lost interest in it. It's not that it escapes me, it's that it just doesn't interest me. I have no idea who 50 cent is, and frankly, I don't care who he is. I know who Jane Jacobs and Malcolm Gladwell are- they're pop culture enough for me.

I don't want to chase 20 year old girls- besides the fact that Beady eyed friend would murder me, they don't have the wonderful experience and qualities I've grown to worship in girls my own age- especially Beady Eyed friend. Things like incredible confidence, poise and class. Absolute incredible silliness interspersed with cerebral insight. A knowledge of the world around, and a comfort in yourself that the world is more damn afraid of you than you are of it.

In the end- I choose Amanda Lang and Kevin O'Leary over Rick Campanelli. (OK- I admit I have no idea who Rick Camparello is- I went to the Much Music site and he was the first name on the personalities list). I choose coffee over Smart Drinks. I choose sushi over burgers and I choose Kenneth Cole over Tommy Hilfiger.

But I still have my poop jokes- I'm never out growing those.