Letter to the Editor
Dear Editors of the Globe and Mail,
Please note that the following reporters are trying to steal my writing genius:
Jan Wong- she used to take me out to lunch all the time and then stick me with the bill. Now she uses me to hide behind when the City of Rochester has caught her scent again and are hot on her trail.
Russell Smith- He’s also trying to steal my shoes.
Margaret Wente- She’s successfully stolen my intellect. Yes… that’s where she gets it.
Anthony Reinhart- And another thing- he keeps following me around.
Jeffrey Simpson- His reporting makes me ashamed to be Canadian- not because his writing is bad, but because it shows us just how horrible our country really is. And he keeps hacking into my computer system and deleting emails that I haven’t read yet. Yeah- It’s not that people aren’t writing me- it’s that he’s deleting them…
Leah McLaren- I actually don’t read her- but my sister tells me she’s up to no good.
Christie Blatchford- this is a case where it’s worse than just stealing. She confronts me and demands things. I give them- who am I to say no to Christie Blatchford? She’s probably the toughest person in the Nation- I mean if she went up against Evander Hollyfield- I’d put my money on the blonde Prius Driving Marathon runner with the biceps any day! Yikes!
Now editors, I have gone to great lengths to be as specific as possible with my list of grievances. Please make sure these reporters are summarily punished. I am not a crack pot. Please be quick about it too- as we speak the aliens are approaching my hide out and will force feed me spam and green olives with pimentos! I HATE pimentos!!!
Now if you'll excuse me I have to call the hosts on CFRB 1010.
Sincerely,
Mike Iseman
Editor: Mike’s Blog.
Please excuse the strange blog today- I just finished Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut the other day and I thought I'd take my best crack at writing a Crack Pot letter (or even better yet- Whack Job) to the editor and at the same time- send some soft accolades and roasts to the fine intelligencia at the distinguished Daily that entertains me so wildly over eggs and oatmeal in the morning.
Please note that the following reporters are trying to steal my writing genius:
Jan Wong- she used to take me out to lunch all the time and then stick me with the bill. Now she uses me to hide behind when the City of Rochester has caught her scent again and are hot on her trail.
Russell Smith- He’s also trying to steal my shoes.
Margaret Wente- She’s successfully stolen my intellect. Yes… that’s where she gets it.
Anthony Reinhart- And another thing- he keeps following me around.
Jeffrey Simpson- His reporting makes me ashamed to be Canadian- not because his writing is bad, but because it shows us just how horrible our country really is. And he keeps hacking into my computer system and deleting emails that I haven’t read yet. Yeah- It’s not that people aren’t writing me- it’s that he’s deleting them…
Leah McLaren- I actually don’t read her- but my sister tells me she’s up to no good.
Christie Blatchford- this is a case where it’s worse than just stealing. She confronts me and demands things. I give them- who am I to say no to Christie Blatchford? She’s probably the toughest person in the Nation- I mean if she went up against Evander Hollyfield- I’d put my money on the blonde Prius Driving Marathon runner with the biceps any day! Yikes!
Now editors, I have gone to great lengths to be as specific as possible with my list of grievances. Please make sure these reporters are summarily punished. I am not a crack pot. Please be quick about it too- as we speak the aliens are approaching my hide out and will force feed me spam and green olives with pimentos! I HATE pimentos!!!
Now if you'll excuse me I have to call the hosts on CFRB 1010.
Sincerely,
Mike Iseman
Editor: Mike’s Blog.
Please excuse the strange blog today- I just finished Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut the other day and I thought I'd take my best crack at writing a Crack Pot letter (or even better yet- Whack Job) to the editor and at the same time- send some soft accolades and roasts to the fine intelligencia at the distinguished Daily that entertains me so wildly over eggs and oatmeal in the morning.
posted by Mike at 9/21/2004 03:21:00 p.m.
5 Comments:
note to the editor: you've stolen my idea about aliens... i think i'll write to the Globe and expose you ;)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
That's you, isn't it Michael Valpy??? You can't fool me!
lol... no - it's me... i posted. *S* :)
Susan Pinker from Wednesday's Careers section! I should have known- you're always telling people what to do :P
The only thing that's going to get exposed to the Globe is my rather hairy buttocks!
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