Getting Hitched

My dad is getting married on Saturday at a downtown restaurant.

Am I excited?
Absolutely- I get to see all the family- except my eldest sister who is trapped in California with an expired Visa. The original plan was singing and playing guitar. I'm a good singer and guitar player, but I'm also deathly afraid of playing guitar in front of crowds. So- I'm opting for making a toast instead. I am great at toasts and at public speaking. I also know the basic map for a toast.

Open with joke.
Talk about how you met the groom.
Make a risque joke about indiscressions
Talk about how the bride and groom met.
Make a risque joke about "not too late to run off with me..."
Quote a poet/playwrite/philosopher.
Close with a heart warming toast.

I'm sure you'll all be happy to know I did NOT use the map, and although I did slip in some jokes (how could I not) you'll also be happy and shocked to see I did not use any of the following: Poop jokes, fart jokes, funny accents, trick ties, or french words.



I know! I know! What's left????