This land is my land... *WHACK*

Why is everyone so upset about Hans Island?

Well- it's the summer, people are kinda sick of reading about the London Bombings and terrorism, reporters aren't stalking Karla Homolka and most everyone who mean to read Harry Potter already finished it.

But DAMNIT! The papers need to sell editions! The dailies need to manufacture their little dramas to engage the readers because for some, Whirlpool's bid for Maytag just doesn't cut it. I'm not a violent guy- but those papers sometimes just make me want to punch a Somali Immigrant in the face... Oops- looks like Roy Preston beat me to it.

I can see why Preston was so confused that he mistook a passerby as a serious threat. It's because when you spend enough time in the blue Uniform- say... 3 days- you become a cynical jaded bastard. Something inside you just dies and you begin to suspect that everyone is out to get you and every one is against you, and everyone is a scourge of society who you want to throw behind bars. I don't know whether the job is honestly so tough, or if being a police officer just attracts people who are assholes anyways, but either way- if you're a cop, chances are you're an asshole.

Thanks for protecting me from the criminals and terrorists, though, asshole.

Scare for sales

TORONTO, Canada (UPI) -- Terrorist bombs could cause widespread carnage in Toronto but the city is not prepared, Canadian experts say.
"Toronto is as much at risk of an attack as London," said Dave Harris, a former Canadian Security Intelligence Service chief of strategic planning and now president of a counter-terrorism and security consulting company.
Copyright 2005 by United Press International

Um- yeah, nice try, Harris, considering your current position- you're not an objective source. What you are is enlisting media to get free advertising for your company.

It's in your interest to say "We're all at risk!" and "Widespread Carnage is imminent!" because you personally benefit from people feeding into the terror.

The Terrorist's objective is not widespread carnage, it's small and sporadic hits at different targets to fill people with doubt, fear and... terror.

Shame on you, Dave for helping the terrorists out. You try to capitalize on fear and take promote the message of terrorism, and that makes you a greedy sicko.

New Job: Motivational Speaker.

Yesterday as I was walking into the grocery store (I desperately needed baby Spinach and oranges) I bumped into an old neighbor from across the street who commented that I always look so positive and energetic. And we chatted for a few moments before she started lamenting that she can't get into the gym or bring herself to work out. She described how she was a prisoner of her home because she feels like she can't leave the house because of how she looks and just skipped her high school reunion because she was ashamed. She felt like it was too long since she's been a healthy weight and that she'll never be healthy.

I can't even fathom how horrible she must feel about herself- she wasn't a bad looking lady- she just looked like she could take better care of herself.

It didn't take long to convince her that entire industries have been built on helping people fall in love with fitness and there are legions of people who make it their job in life to keep their clients motivated and hitting the gym and reaching and their fitness goals.

I told her that Curves differentiates itself as being a 'first gym' for out of shape women to fall in love with fitness and then they graduate on to Goodlife, Bally's, Sports Clubs of Canada, Premier, JCC, YMCA, or any of the many many others.

And it's probably not so much that Goodlife is a bad gym as it is that the St.Clair location is abysmally mismanaged.

Anyways- after convincing her that the odds were stacked in her favor and enlisting the help of a personal trainer and joining a gym would keep her on the right track, and encouraging her to promise herself that she would only watch CSI if she was on her treadmill- she beamed said "I feel like I just got a talk by Anthony Robbins!"




Fah! I'm much better looking than him.

Imam's the word

An Imam or Holy leader at a local Mosque in Toronto implores Muslim youth to not cooperate with Federal Authorities investigating terrorist threats.

He says that CSIS terrorizes muslims, and that they had better stop-- or else!

He also says that he has no power over the Muslim Youth.

If he has no power over Muslim Youth- why isn't he asking them to cooperate with the Authorities instead of using his leadership position to encourage full cooporation with people trying to protect the country of which they enjoy the freedom and economics.

Middle in Manitoba

I have three sisters.
The Eldest, in Davis California, is an astute and caring mother of two wonderful children who are the pride of the family.
The middle is a cerebral, silly and totally capable actress/novelist/theatre make up artist/real estate investor who is so energetic and talented and yet sweet and tender that she just makes the world around her light up.
The youngest (who is still older than me) is doing her PhD in Engineering in Germany is incredibly candid, driven and at the same time- silly yet intellectual and is surprising almost everyone with the success she's attaining with her new path in life. Almost everyone- because we always knew we'd see big things from her...

All of them are older, and all of them are some of my favorite people in the world who I am utterly crazy about!

Come September, after I leave for Dublin- there will only be one left in Toronto- the middle one. She's remarked before that she feels a little left behind, but it's hard to actually feel that way after she left us all behind a decade ago to teach English in Japan, only to return 3 years later with a fluency in Japanese and a secret night-time career as ninja assissin.

Right now the Middle one is in Manitoba as the make-up person on a film shooting in Manitoba. I know she reads this blog from time to time- so I figure it's time to give a cross-provincial border shout out to the "muh sistuh".

Hello Muh Sistuh!

Everyone will be coming into Toronto for my dad's wedding happenning soon. He's renting out one of the trendiest restaraunts in the trendy Yorkville District for the wedding and reception, and then his girlfriend will make an honest man out of him.

I've been asked to make a toast. Here's what I have so far.

My father first met his girlfriend and now wife at a conference. but enough about him- let's talk about me....
and then I drone on for 45 minutes...

I hope he likes it.

Stupid Terrorists

I bought The Economist last week because they're a London based magazine, and I wanted to get their take on the Terrorist attacks. In the past when I've read the Economist, I've found it to be extremely intelligent, satisfying and insightful- not just about economics, but about politics, and society.

What the Economist said about the terrorist attacks was very interesting. The interviewed the former head of the counter terrorism team in Britain who that no one wins every time. When the counter terrorism team lucks out- no one gets killed and no one notices. When the terrorists luck out, people get killed and everyone notices. The terrorists keep on trying and the counter-terrorist team keeps on thwarting them- until the Seventh.

What the terrorists have on their side is the element of surprise- the counter terrorist team is always playing catch-up. What the counter terrorist team has on their side is that the terrorists and incompetent and stupid. Out of the hundreds of attempts at different plots, only 3 have succeeded. The rest have all been thwarted- including setting up SAMs along a flight path near LHR, trying to sneak bombs into the country, trying to recruit for Al Quaeda, etc...

I guess- people are just talking about how dangerous these terrorists are- they can't even coordinate an attack so their bombs go off at the right time, or at the planned place where the efficiency of the attack would be most devastating. They are clumsy and bumbling, and it's hard to be scared of something so stupid.

Potter Posting

I am a fan of Harry Potter. I admit it! I enjoy the books and the movies. I will not dress up and wait in line on Friday Night to buy the book, however, I'll just wait until Saturday Afternoon...

From what I heard- the Pope has a problem with Harry Potter. Aparently the notion of a Wizard perverts the Christian Soul and attracts said young Christian to Sorcery.

I don't think that Harry Potter will mind that much. I don't think he's Catholic. I always thought he was jewish.

I would have talked about the Hockey Strike ending today- but I really couldn't get interested to get familarized with the the terms of the hockey agreements.

I am, however gripped I tell you! GRIPPED by the news about Harry Potter and all things Potteresque!

It's all smurfing together...

OK- as of yesterday I am 2 months from my first day of class.

Student Loan: check!
Accommodation: check!
Airline Ticket: Business class! CHECK!
New Business Suit: Check It out! Check!
Saying Good-bye to the Beady eyed one: um...
Saying Good-bye to everyone else: Um...

I guess I really am leaving the toughest things for last... That's why before I leave- I'm going to invite everyone to a big party in my honour to send me off!

That's right- all my Neurotic crazy friends, All my super-stable centered friends, my fitness friends, my bookish friends- they are all invited to celebrate the glory that is.... me.

The Beady eyed one is coming up with a great restaurant, that my veggie friends (who coincidentally are largely also my neurotic friends) can enjoy too. (Hmmm- Is there a correlation between vegetarianism and neurosis? Whatever you do- don't ask the cow their opinion! It's just going to be biased!)

Ahenakew gets his cum' uppins.

I talked about David Ahenakew and his Anti-Semitic remarks before, well- now the trial is done, and he's found guilty, and stripped of his Order of Canada.

So that's it- right? Not so fast! It appears that Dave Ahenakew is the victim of "the very powerful Jewish lobby" According to the former president of University of Regina Lloyd Barber. He, unlike the good folks at the Univeristy of Manitoba should be pooped on at the earliest possible convenience.

Secretive Jewish organizations who make up Jewish lobbies, and fund Jewish studies for Jewish interests and push for jewish victories make the rest of the world shake in fear and choke on their bacon wonderbread sandwiches. The clandestine Zionist organizations lurk in the shadows and control banks and the media while looking out for our own... All I want to know is...

How the hell can I get into one of those secret jewish societies?

Getting the Runs...

So- some loyal blog readers know how I see the strangest things while running- I've posted about it before. I had not 1, not 2 but THREE strange encounters while running on Saturday morning through High Park.

The first one was on Bloor West of Dufferin. As I was running along and minding my own business someone started shouting something at me- so I stopped.
"You can do it!" a young woman called from a group of friends.
"I can do what?" I asked perplexed.
"Finish the run" She explained.
"Oh... I... er- I see." I said still perplexed why she was reaffirming something I already knew.
"I'm just trying to encourage you." She reasoned.
"Um... thank you." I said- still a little confused on what motivation she had for yelling out to people on the street that "They can do it!" I got to High Park- not in record time, but in a respectable sub 40 minutes, and started with the interior trails.

I ran through the zoo and looked at the Buffalo, peacocks, Emu and Llama, and sped through the trails down to the south end of the park. As I was running along the path- an old man going the opposite direction on his bicycle slowed. "Get off the steroids!" a grizzled liquor worn voice croaked. His haggard face turned menacingly into a scowl.

As you know if you've read my blog- when running- I don't kindly suffer fools- and honk at people who honk at me. He didn't even finish his sentence when I had my rejoinder ready: a slew of non-worded syllables said in the same menacing tone, the same menacing scowl as he had.
"Muhmuh muhmuhmuhmuh muhmuhmuh!!!!"

The third and final one encounter was equally strange- but I had enough and just ignored him. See? I'm not all piss and vinegar... Anyways- as runners know, when one runs they tend to get phlegmy and spit. Such is my affliction. I was running along the lake at the South West corner of High Park and I hocked a loggie.
"Beautiful!" I heard someone call. "That's just sexy! Isn't that marvelous?"
I turned my head. Judging by his build, the man would have absolutely no familiarity with running. A fellow sitting on the park bench with his girlfriend trying to show off. Too late- I was already turning the corner and by that time- slowing down, stopping and asking "What the hell is your problem? Get up, bitch! I'm g'na to teach you lesson in ass whoppin'!" would be both moot and not reflective of good manners or good judgement.

Or maybe it's because I was at that point running for over an hour in 33 degree humidity and I was slightly pooped. At least- too pooped to make a poop about this poop head trying to talk poop to impress his girlfriend.

Poop.

London Bridge is falling down

What a tragedy! The number of casualties is still climbing from the bombings in London transit yesterday. It's so interesting to see the different reactions of people.

One person immediately wanted to go into Lock down mode and use this tragedy as a reason why Canada needed a National ID card, Biometrics, and "more respect for Police and security". Then he started with the blame- and he thought it was Grad students and Culture Jammers who were responsible and that Adbusters is directly responsible and an affront to our liberty.

OK- crazy man. Keep talking...

When I pointed out that Al-Qaeda has taken responsibility for the bombings- not Adbusters- he called me "Racist" and "Cowboy." Using a tragedy for your own political motivations (in this case debunk the left) is just shameless.

Another friend he started to list reasons why the CIA is behind the bombings. Unfortunately none of them accumulated to evidence subject to logic.

And yet another friend- the Beady Eyed one- the immediate reaction from her was outrage!

I think it's interesting to see just how people react to these things. I think that people will act how they normal act- just do so in relation to the tragedy. The guy who has an axe to grind because he's a fascist punk and his sensibilities are offended by left wingers is LOOKING for a reason to blame those damn lefties. The Conspiracy theorist is looking for conspiracy to spin, and The Beady Eyed one is looking for a reason to be angry.

So- the big question is cause or effect! Are our brains wired for blame/suspicion/anger so that's our reaction to the world, or do we paint everything with our blame/suspicion/anger brush so that our context of experience makes sense of things better- or more specifically- so that we feel we are right and correct in how we view the world?

Homolka Polka

I don't know if anyone else is just sick and tired of hearing about Karla Homolka. Yes- it was a tragedy that those girls got raped and killed- but I don't see how vitriol and media circuses do the memories of those girls justice. It's even to the point now where the media is talking about how the media is talking too much about Karla Homolka.

Anyways- I don't get it- so here's a picture of me... not getting it.

Starting off on the Smurf foot

Today I got an email asking me for a short bio which I expect they will circulate among my classmates. I submitted the following:

Mike's funny accent can be explained that he hails from snowy Canadian depths! Mike has 7 years experience in Internet Tech Industry, 3 as a coder, before moving over to Sales and Marketing management side of things. He is currently finishing off a contract as the Business Development Manager at a web development company. Mike was a Political Science Major in University, before doing a Post Grad Diploma in computers. His main interests are fitness and reading, particularly non-fiction. Mike is not married and to the best of his knowledge has no children.

I am half expecting to get an email back from the administrator:

Mr.Iseman,
Your bio wasn't totally suitable for our needs. I'm going to make a few editorial changes- I just hope that you take Accounting with Professor McRae more seriously than you took this bio.

eep!

Well- at least I culled some of the hobbies that included "making hilarious body noises and mysterious body odours" and listing as one of my Languages as "Ghetto and Marketingspeak".

Although part of me is totally freaked out, another part is completely psyched. It's going to tough work, but I've been through tough work before and my sense of humor allowed me to keep my sanity.

A day in Fairy Tale Land

I asked the The Beady Eyed one if she wanted to leave town for the long weekend for a day trip away from the city. She thought it was a fantastic idea, until she thought about it some more. Then she realized she would rather stay in town, but visit a park, so we went to Edward's Gardens. We traipsed around the park and made our way away from the maddened crowds and fat photographers taking pictures of weeping grooms and fat brides. Almost as if finding a secret magical staircase we stole up hidden steps to the field at the top corner of the park consisting of a huge field with gigantic trees.

We found a very lonely spot and set down the bamboo and the blanket... then came the food.

Cold Cuts!
Salads!
More Salads!
Fine breads!
Cheeses
Juice
Fruit

Although- we forgot the pate.

We ate until we had our fill and then- surrounded by the perfect tranquility of the park, we basked in the shade of the tree and listened as the silence was broken by the breeze tickling the leaves and the odd bird chirped happily.

The Beady Eyed one put her head on my stomach while I read and I found her quickly snoozing soundly. I soon joined her as we napped in the shade of the giant tree, on the soft grass of the quiet park.

*sigh*

I don't even think Corina had as Romantic a weekend...